Thoughts And Expressions, I return to you.  It's only been what, 3, 4 years?  Surely nothing has happened during that time, right?

I had a girlfriend, we were in a relationship for nearly a year.  We fought all the time, so we broke up.  But after we broke up, we still hung out a few days later, and enough time did not pass so that we now identified ourselves as merely friends.  We were still in the habit and mind-set of identifying ourselves as a couple, except we also had a head knowledge that we had broken up.  Yet still, touch was still familiar and comfortable, candid talking was still the norm, and the idea of talking about relationships with other people was still frowned on.  She and I went from starting out as friends, becoming a couple, and then being stuck in a web of being emotionally attached where we knew there was no future.  Friends, don't do this.  If you are going to break up with someone, do it, and give the situation some time and space, and then revisit the friendship.

Being friends with an ex is possible and good for you IF done correctly.  But every relationship needs to be clearly defined.  You will make yourself miserable if you find yourself in a relationship that is not clearly defined.  Life is fun and exciting and we love unexpected mysteries unfolding as we fly through it, but having a relationship with no defined limits or expectations can be heart-wrenching.  Don't do it.  Move your life forward.

After all of the confusion, we're in a good place of friendship.  You have to allow yourself to be honest with someone, and potentially hurt their feelings.  Love your neighbors like you love yourself.  Live your life freely, and allow others to do the same.

The things we tell ourselves

I don't want to be pathetic.  Neither do you.  Who wants to be pathetic?  Nobody!  So humans take almost whatever precautions necessary so that they will not be pathetic.  One of them is lying to ourselves.  Now, deep down, I don't believe that we can truly lie to ourselves, because we know the truth.  So what we think of as lying to ourselves is really the suppression of what we know to be true.

Say there is this girl that you like.  But you either, 1) know that she's all wrong for you.  She'd just bring you down. Or 2) she has already done you real wrong (cheated on you, betrayed you, whatever).  Now, being a proud human being and wanting nothing to do with the association of patheticism, you recognize that you still have strong feelings for this bad woman, and you know the thing to do that makes the most sense to you is to reject these feelings.  But, matters of the heart are never as simple as matters of the head.  We can't just reject feelings of love.  So the next best and smartest thing to do is to attempt to convince yourself that this woman is bad, and that you can't stand her.  Suppress those feelings deep, and keep trying to convince yourself that she is ugly on the inside.  (Note, you can only do this if you have a convincing case that she is in fact, ugly on the inside.  Many times, she is.)

But what if we were just totally honest with ourselves, and with everyone else about everything.  What if, like dogs, we returned to our own vomit for another awful meal.  Self-deprecation, we so often embrace.  I imagine it would make the John Mayer lyric ring so much truer in life, "Why you wanna break my heart again?  Why am I gonna let you try?  All we ever do is say goodbye."

  It's got to be our love for ourselves that make us go through these thought-patterns.  In my analysis, I'm starting to think that instead of lying to ourselves, we can at least be honest and admit to ourselves (and maybe even some close family and friends) what are true feelings are.  In doing this, we will react better to whatever unpredictable situations await us in the future (ie, that phone call where she wants to meet you, that favor she randomly asks you, etc)  But, as we do this, let us be wise and disciplined enough to do the right thing.  Don't run with scissors, don't play on the freeway, and don't pursue a woman who will hurt you.

breakin' the bank

Being a Christian requires a lot of sacrifice.  And a lot of surrendering.  And, a lot of "giving up."  Basically, being a Christian sometimes feels like you are just making yourself smaller and smaller.  This is a direct contrast to living a life that the world would consider victorious.  The world will say, "have your cake and eat it, too."  "Have this, AND that."  "Have one, AND the other."  Sacrifice nothing, obtain everything; material or not.  The American dream pretty much says that we are entitled to everything.

oops, I accidently used you

I know its common knowledge, but we may be tempted to think that there are exceptions, or that the rule is so old it doesn't apply anymore.  But never, ever go out on a date with someone who has just broken up with their significant other.  Of course you are the rebound!  Of course you are a momentary escape!  Of course you should not trust what they're saying!  Because they themselves don't even really know what they are saying.

I know what you're thinking as you're reading.  "Ha! This is obvious!"  And then you start giggling, "oh wait, did you actually fall for this!?"  Yes.  Yes, I did.  But, I'm writing this not to talk harshly of anyone, or to whine or cry.  I'm writing this entry for anyone else who may be like me and interpret a pretty girls interest as something more authentic than a "mood."  Friends, do not set yourself up for a disaster.  If a girl broke up with her boyfriend, she needs at least 6 months (doesn't matter how long she was dating him, be it 3 months or 3 years) of being single until she's ready to get serious about someone else.  She may tell you things like, "I like you so much," or "I can't wait to introduce you to my family."  None of it means anything.

Guys, girls, everyone.. don't use people.  Don't use them emotionally, physically, or any other ally you can think of.  Life is fragile, and everyone breaks very easily.  Don't go tipping over very valuable and very beautiful works of art for them to shatter.  Nobody will like you if you do.

I hate goodbyes

We've all probably done it.  Recently, I've tried to put a stop to ever doing it again.  But I'm sure I'm in the minority.  I'm referring to that cunning ninja-like disappearing act some girls (and I know guys do, too.  Remember, I'm writing from my perspective) do after a date that didn't go well.

It hasn't happened to me very often, but it has happened enough for me to notice.  Every now and then I'll go out on a first date with a girl that I met on an online dating site, or through some other means.  And if after meeting I decide I like the girl, I'll usually send her a text message afterwards that says something generic like "I had fun" or "lets do it again sometime," or something.  And then the dark clouds come, and begin to pour rain as I wait for a response that just does not show up.  Sometimes I'll send another text the next day, and if I'm feeling really reluctant to give up hope, I'll even send a third text.  But it happens, 3 texts, and not a single one in return.  That's so annoying.  Not the fact that she wasn't into me, that's a normal part of everyone's life.  What peeves me is when the girl won't even take the minute it takes to send the text that says "hey let's be friend" or "I wish you good luck with everything," ya know, something that gets the point across.  At least then I'll know the reality of the situation, and be able to move along faster.

I know its a tough thing to do (I've had to do it).  No one wants to hurt another person's feelings.  And there's the anxiety that if you do that, they might text back in some classless manner, and either demand answers, or have some choice negative words about your intelligence and any and everything else.  And no one wants to deal with that.  But if you're not interested in someone, I think the classy thing to do is to let them know.  It's really not a big deal.

Girls don't know

I'm thinking that women don't really know what they want.  That, or they are lying to themselves.  I'm talking about when they say they don't want a "douche bag" or "low-life."  As I look around, and I see pretty girl after pretty girl attached at the arm of some lanky, unshaven, unkept, white tank-top wearing substance-abuser, I think to myself, "don't pretend like you have high standards, you insist on being the 'property' of some fast food jockey!" (nothing against fastfood jockies, they work hard.)

  This isn't even really about the whole "bad-boy vs good-guy" argument, either.  It's a matter of girls preferring to date guys who have no class.  The guys who open doors, pay for dinner, and say please and thank you are merely gimmicks to many women.  They complain when guys don't do these things, but they pass almost every time on the guys who actually do these things.

  My analysis?  Women have low self-esteem.  Even pretty girls, I'm thinking they suffer from low self-esteem and insecurity, as well.  They will date a person who has the same amount of class as them, only they won't admit it.  If a pretty girl who doesn't really, truly believe in herself has an opportunity to date an actual gentleman, who has no interest in getting drunk and knows how to tie a tie, she'll pass on him because she doesn't feel like she's actually good enough.  And the fear of letting her inadaquecies show to a "distinguished gentleman" is too much for her to risk.  So if she dates ol' hood-wearin' "Spike" over there, who's qualities fall far inferior to her own, then she is safe.  She is free to be comfortable and confident around him, nag him to achieve more, and complain about him to keep him at bay.  Girls must be scared to death of a guy who has his stuff together.

  This is merely my stab at the subject, I claim no facts here.  I just wish that more women would be comfortable sharing and showing their short-comings, and attempt to be with a guy she will actually respect.  The guy and girl should succeed and fail together.  And there should be enough comfort and trust in the relationship for both parties to actually be themselves.

Good for a day or two

When I buy milk, I always check the expiration date.  I look for the milk with the expiration date furthest from that day (duh), so I usually have to do a little extra work by reaching my arm way behind all the milk cartons in the front, and pulling one out from the back.  I do the same with orange juice, eggs, bread, you name it.  And then when I get home, I take a pen and write on my wall calender when these products expire.  More than half of the time, the food goes bad before I had a chance to eat them. I usually eat at least half of the product before I throw them out, though.

When it comes to dating, sometimes I feel like I have an expiration date.  I'll date a girl for about a week or so, and she will think that I am the best guy who has ever walked the earth.  She'll call me, she'll text me, she'll express to me how badly she wants to see me.  And I live it up with her for about a week, usually more like 2 weeks.  Sometimes even a month or two.  But then after a certain (usually short) time passes, it's as if I just "go bad."  And by "go bad," I don't mean I make some huge mistake like calling her by the wrong name, or make fun of her family or anything.  I just sort of "expire."  I'm not good anymore, so I have to be thrown out.  Just because a certain amount of time has passed.

I don't really get it.  I'm not depressed about it or anything, just a bit puzzled.  It may be a defense mechanism, but to be honest, I don't see it as a problem with me.  I'm thinking it's more of a flaw with these girls.  They don't guard their hearts.  They may desire so much to fall head over hills for someone that they just start to do it without first thinking if the relationship has the strength to go the distance.  I think these girls I meet just selfishly want to be in love to make themselves feel good.  Which, to be honest, I don't see how anyone does otherwise.  Love can be a pretty selfish thing.  The best love is of course selfless, unconditional love.
"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."  - Jesus Christ

     Romantic love is desired, hunted, and sometimes eventually captured as a result of this personal and selfish desire.  And this desire is what causes people to use people, unintentionally lie to people, and sometimes lie to ourselves.  My advice to myself, the girls I date, and anyone else listening is to slow down.  Think about the subject, and think about the person you are acquainting yourself with.  If you believe in it, pursue it.  If you don't believe in it, then don't pursue it.